Better Encouragement

I’ve been blessed.

And I’m super thankful for that.

One of those blessings is that many people have lovingly encouraged me over the years. Most have been “Good Job, Keep it up!” But others have been more pointed in talking about a specific thing that I’ve done, and the message ends with keep going.

I’ve liked that. It’s fueled me to be who I am. And at the same time, all of those encouraging words about specifics have turned into a burden to be carried.

I know. Not what’s supposed to happen.

It may be because my brain doesn’t work right. Most likely, it’s because I’m so afraid that those people won’t encourage me in the future. The encouragement has turned into a beast that I have to fight.

I want to be liked. Encouragement is like a drug that makes us feel high and loved. But what happens if the encouragement of what I’ve done and produced stops? I worry about that all the time. So I try harder and harder to please.

But maybe there is a solution to make encouragement healthier.

Encouraging a job well done isn’t bad. But what if the encouragement is less about the result and more about the inner attributes that inspired that job?

What if instead of, “Great job in that game you played, you are so good, keep it up,” it changed to, “I noticed how you played with a tenacious attitude. I love that attitude regardless of outcome.”

It makes it less about the result and more about the way the person did the activity.

Let’s appreciate the pieces of a person that don’t change, regardless of the quality of the product they produce. You can be intentional and still make an average lesson, an at-bat, or a part on a stage. Let’s make encouragement personal and connected to the work instead of the result. I want to know that I’m worth it and good enough, even if my event wasn’t the best or my lesson fell a little flat.

Notice the work and not the result. Maybe that’s better encouragement.

From Unsplash by Hannah busing